2019, Alayna, DID, dissociation, dissociative identity disorder

Dating with Dissociative Identity Disorder

The journey begins. We have met someone. Someone who accepts us and is working on understanding dissociative identity disorder. Let’s be real. It is a lot to ask of anyone. 

Charming* is no stranger to mental health challenges. He is not scared away by a trauma background. He has his own challenges in that area, as a matter of fact. I really feel like this enables him to be trauma informed and aware. His communication skills are on point and he’s expressed the willingness to learn about the system and meet everyone.

Meet everyone. In a system of over 60 members only 2 people have ever actually met everyone. This is no small thing. He knows this won’t be a quick thing. He’s even expressed hoping it would be a slow process. He doesn’t want to become overwhelmed.

The idea of overwhelming him scares us. Someone expressing that we are overwhelming them feels like rejection and we quickly pull back. We build the walls higher to keep from being hurt and rejected and we find ourselves believing that it is the beginning of the end.

This can’t happen. It is not his job to manage our reactions. Him communicating that is a blessing and healthy. We have to recognize that it’s an unhealthy response and ours to change. So far he knows he’s met about 4 I think. Dating is hard. Hard but worth it. 

Here’s what we have learned so far:

Be upfront from the beginning

Communicate

Be transparent

Accept that we will have to grow

Only self identify when we are ready

Be honest about what our emotional state looks like at any given time

Have fun and remember that if he thinks we are worth pursuing then we need to accept that and not self depreciate
This is the beginning. A new beginning we deserve.
Merry Christmas!

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