It’s been several days now of me, Gina, mostly doing the fronting. I found last night at CR a little challenging because I couldn’t find any memories of what Alyssa did last week but our friend Teresa was on point and it was awesome.
I’m grateful for that place. Honestly it’s the first time I attended, but there were lots of memories over the last year that we’ve been going so that made it easier. Layna was with me too which was helpful, especially during coin times. I have no issues talking in public but run out of ideas of what to say fairly fast I guess.
This period of time isn’t overly stressful. It’s annoying and frustrating when I can’t fit in quite as easily as I want because I can’t remember things very well and when our skirts don’t fit as well as I’d like because some of them are too big now but I find ways to work around that mostly. I love skirts. I love how they are flowy and fun and I think that even Alayna is getting on board with skirts.
I find we have strained and yet not strained relationship dynamics and a very unsure grasp of certain things at home but that seems to do better when we remember to follow Exodus 14:14. My sisters inside forget often that we have clung to that verse for years. I believe it was Cadie who found it back in 2010, when she was trying to find ways to gain God’s approval.
Now, between Exodus 14:14 and Psalm 46:10, hopefully we can all start to remember that we need only be still. We need only shut up, as Layna so eloquently said last night. We don’t have to respond to everything that hurts us. We don’t have to challenge everything we find wrong. We don’t have to be right. We have to be quiet. We have to let God do his thing and remember that people we love matter more than us being right.
And if someone thinks we’re wrong or doesn’t believe us, so what? It no longer matters. It’s between us and God. That’s so much easier said than done and my sisters get really hurt when someone they love is upset with them or says unkind words, but it’s really a God thing. I’m glad they are figuring that out.
That itself is a huge part of what the Shadows wanted to start with. They wanted faith in God instead of faith in people. They wanted empowerment and self-reliance instead of dependence and worth based on others. We’re only just now learning that and I was/am a Shadow.
Layna says I need to copy this into our blog so I will.