2018, Alayna, Rachel

An Attitude of Gratitude

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Last night at Celebrate Recovery the lesson was about gratitude. We have a list of things from that lesson we are grateful for. And we have a list of things from this morning that we are grateful for.

The “Attitude of Gratitude” isn’t new for us. It shows up in recovery a lot. So many of us recovering from our pasts and presents get stuck on what we DON’T have and we forget to look at what we DO have.

We’ve posted a lot about how we don’t have local friends, community, a tribe. Over the last several years, in our private journals and in our public one it’s a topic that comes up a lot but rarely have we ever put in the work to change that. Instead, we keep focusing on what we don’t have.

That, friends, does not demonstrate an attitude of gratitude. I’m not sure if I should call that an attitude of learned helplessness or an attitude of general whininess. I kind of like both.

So here’s the thing. In order to change the issue, we need to examine it. Why do we not have many close-by local friends no matter where we live? The first answer called out from inside is “money”. We don’t have a budget that supports doing out to dinner or lunch spontaneously or doing things friends seem to want to do, especially since the people we would be befriending are adults. We can’t even afford to gas our own car.

Second is social awkwardness. This one the system as a whole is torn about. We tend to do okay at celebrate recovery and in our peer groups before we moved so I think we could hold our own with friends once we got to know them. Others are worried we can’t.

Next is relating to people. That one seems kinda tough but I think we’re pretty cool most times.

Aside from the money issue, it feels like we are holding ourselves back with a lot of preconceived notions. We spent so much time in Colorado being jealous of Mom’s dinner dates with her friends and lunch dates with Nana because she was out connecting with people and we were home. She went to college and made a few friends. We were not. Here, Dad is making friends at work and we’re not. That’s starting to shift a little bit since we started putting in the effort in CR, but still, we are not rushing anything because we don’t have the money or the knowledge of whether we can fit it just yet.

This time though, we are having an attitude of gratitude about it. We are grateful for the people we are starting to connect with. We are grateful for the time and the meetings to meet people and interact with people. We are grateful for our family who supports us and helps us grow and try these things. And we’re grateful for each other, especially because we are WORKING at it now and not waiting for the answers to come knocking at the door. No more jealousy, now we work for it.

An attitude of gratitude.

 

2 thoughts on “An Attitude of Gratitude”

    1. It’s hard, that’s for sure. I kind of remember shortly after meeting our (would later become) husband and spending all night comforting his sobbing (at the time) 12-year-old-daughter. I realized that we couldn’t have comforted her if we hadn’t any kind of frame of reference and what we lived through gave us what we needed to comfort her. I remember that being the first time we felt any form of gratitude. It didn’t really last. That’s a disaster story of it’s own. But I was just thinking about that.

      Liked by 1 person

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