2018, Alayna, DID, dissociative identity disorder, Rachel, reflection

Becoming Superheroes

pexels-photo-346796.jpeg“When you’ve been fighting for it all your life
You’ve been struggling to make things right
That’s how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour, turn the pain into power”

Superheroes, The Script

 

Struggling to make things right pretty much sums up the last three years of our life. For a while, well years, it seemed like we were spinning tires. We would tell our therapist that we were going to spend the rest of our life playing catch up with our peer group. We didn’t have the emotional development people who were the same age as the body seemed to, and we definitely didn’t have the same life milestones completed. We were in limbo, it seemed. Our therapist at the time, probably our best therapist to date, told us that we were in limbo because we were so busy comparing ourselves to other people that we weren’t able to figure out who we were and who we wanted to be.

How does someone make nearly 33 years worth of life right? It appeared that we needed to figure out how was wrong first. It’s safe to say that much of our life didn’t go as we would have expected or planned, especially our childhood. There’s absolutely nothing we can do about that. We can’t go back and change any of it. We didn’t have any say in what took place when the body was a child, so we are not responsible for those events. There is nothing there to make right.

The later years of our life, however, is filled with our poor choices. These are the choices one, or more, of us, made willingly. At the time we called it taking the road less traveled. We now call it being unaware. Unaware of ourselves, each other, and how our choices would affect our life in the long run. Those are the choices we feel like we need to make right.

There’s no going back there either. We can’t change any of that. Changing any of that would erase 4 of the biggest treasures life has given us. It would change this amazing recovery path we are on, and we would have never met our family now. All we can do is continue to work on turning the pain into power. Our power. The power to help ourselves, each other, and other people.

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