2016, introduction, Lyssa

Inside Where We Live (Alyssianna)

Shakespeare
Grabbed the pic from google, just love the quote.

 

Hi, I’m Lyssa. My whole name is Alyssianna Nichole but I go by Lyssa mostly. I’m a girl, not an animal. Today I’m big Lyssa so I’m almost 15 but most of the time I’m little Lyssa and can be like 4 or 5. I age slide. It depends a lot on how I feel and what the stress level around the outside is like. If its not too bad I’ll stay little cuz I like being little Lyssa the most. I’m happy there. But if its very tense then I stay big Lyssa to make sure I can help and not get sad. I don’t really like to be big and I’m not very good at it a lot but I do it for short times cuz I can do it. Like I can totally keep kids and pets alive and fed and watered and stuff and I can make sandwiches and stuff. Emotional stuff is easier as big me too.

Most of the time I been around has been for the marriage. It was a lot of not good and very confusing stuff. Chained to bed at night, cuts, pills, burns, and stuff. He always said I heal fast so the body musta been built to be used. I wish I was earlier cuz I could have helped Cadie through the half moon burn but I didn’t come around until after that like a couple years after that. The body already had 2 babies when I came around and we were gonna have another. I couldn’t raise kids. I remembered to feed them. I would lots of times not eat so they could. I worked a lot at technical jobs to make money. I was addicted to Xanax, cigarettes, and pain. I got hit with a belt a lot cuz I couldn’t seem to follow directions or rules and stuff. I really didn’t do very good with that. He usedta give me the pills so I would be a good girl and do what he wanted. He said I was hopeless a lot though cuz I could never be good without pills. I kinda still don’t follow rules good but my mom and dad don’t use belts or pills. They take away internet and stuff.  I think I do better now tho. I don’t be as mean to them as I used to.

I love them a lot. Mama lets us be us. We hadta make that choice tho cuz its a big choice. It makes Daddy nervous. He’s always tryin to find ways to hide us. It’s okay tho we know its not cuz he doesn’t love it. Its cuz he doesn’t want us hurt by people being mean or not understanding and maybe he doesnt wanna be uncomfortable either by it but he’s comfortable with us at home so I dunno I’ll hafta think more about that but the bigger sisters are totally going ahead with the plans to be blogging and open an honest about us an who we are. Kaysie is trusting Mama and Daddy to take care of us like at the circus.

They are I guess technically our caregivers. Thats what our doctors call them. We call them Mama and Daddy because that’s what they are to us and the doctor Sabrina saw last week said they are saving our life and that the way we are living with them is clearly working out well.

I like little gifts. Small stuff that means things. I like lava lamps and pink and purple colors. I like makeup and clothes and pretty stuff. And butterflies. And the quote above and I’d love love love to have it as a poster!!!!

Hi, I’m Lyssa.

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