anxiety, DID, Sabrina

All or Nothing

 

One of the areas we find that we can all identify with is the All or Nothing Mindset.  Actually I know for sure that a lot of the people who follow us on Facebook and read our blog also get stuck in the same mindset. The graphic below has made it’s rounds in the Facebook groups we follow and on our friends’ timelines, and it’s totally accurate for us.

Mindset
A beautiful explanation of the all or nothing mindset that so many of us experience.

I did an outline of how we experience this whole all or nothing mindset stuff. My outline is two pages long and after making the outline and re-reading it several times I’ve realized that we really really REALLY don’t notice the grey areas very well. And we really need to work on balance, in just about all areas of our lives.

See, we all tend to get really passionate about something. Anything, really. It could be grapes.** We suddenly, with very little warning, become really passionate about grapes. Grapes become all consuming. We have to have grapes as a snack, and grapes with breakfast, and grape flavoring for our water. We have to color pictures of grapes and declare that green and purple are our favorite colors because… grapes. And then, just as quickly as it comes on, it vanishes. We no longer care about grapes. They are just a fruit. Seriously, why is everyone talking about grapes so much??

This literally happens with just about everything. Someone notices we spend too much time online? Okay, we can fix that. Soon we find we can’t put down books. Have to read. All the time. All the books. The doctor thinks we should pay more attention to what foods we’re eating? Can do. We must log every single bite of every single thing. All the things. Even if we only thought about it.  We need to talk more about our feelings? Okay. All the feelings. All the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

And then the people say… No! That’s not what we meant! OMG don’t any of you understand balance? Holy crap, girls!

So we stop talking about feelings AT ALL. No more talking about anything deeper than the weather, but don’t talk about that either because weather is stupid and annoying and if you don’t have anything worth saying why the hell are you still talking omg you are so annoying!! And the logging, you aren’t even doing this right. Do you even take this seriously? Do you need to know everything you eat? Why are you so obsessed? Its just one more reason to be online and obsessed with the cell phone. No more logging. Not logging a damned thing. Except now we’re floundering and have no idea where we are at calorie wise and spend every day feeling like we are failing and are too afraid to eat much. Until we get really hungry and then we must eat all the food. And then we must walk all the walking. The fitbit tracks that. But even those numbers start to become an obsession. Daily goal? Can’t hit it? Failure.

This post has not even gone a little bit like I had intended for it to, which is also triggering my delete reflex. The whole …. uh, this is wrong so its a failure. It’s not all I wanted it to be so therefore its nothing. Stupid mindset.

These mindsets are almost impossible to live with. I wish I understood where they came from. I know it’s a focus in therapy and one of the things we are working on is learning that uncomfortable is okay sometimes. But truthfully, how the hell are we supposed to know what an okay uncomfortable is and what not okay uncomfortable is?

What’s an over-reaction? What’s an under-reaction? Why is numb and calm bad? Why are our thoughts moving in warp speed right now when sometimes they barely move at all? How do we explain to other people that we aren’t trying to manipulate them? That we don’t know why this happens? That we aren’t sure how to balance anything or what balance even is? That we don’t even know how to trust our judgment about what we may or may not need.

Seriously, we can’t be the only ones frustrated and confused by this. I wish I had some kind of answers. And someday I might. For now its enough to get it written down.

Brina

**Grapes was simply an example. To my knowledge its never gone that far with grapes haha

2 thoughts on “All or Nothing”

  1. This is so resonant as to be uncomfortable. Hello, all or nothing sister, I feel your rising and wanting passion about everything and anything. I really enjoy your writing.

    Like

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